Headlines such as these:

The rise of the designer vagina

Pictures urged before genital surgery

and this one on Sunday: “Labia library aims to counter porn images

have gotten me furious over the years, not least because

a) I own a vagina (and IT doesn’t want to be marketed to thank you)  

b) I am mother of two lovely young girls who will grow up listening to this shite


c) It is very clearly just wrong.  

Apparently ladies we are now being told that our bits are not nice unless they are not there. Think Barbie and you will be on the right lines……

It would be wrong if we replaced the words ‘vagina’ or ‘labia’ with the words ‘penis’ or ‘scrotum’.  I mean, can you ever the average man looking into his pants and thinking ‘I really must get some of this junk removed from my trunk, it is just too big AND it chafes when I do stuff’.


But that is exactly what we are being told and not just from the porn industry (which can still be avoided almost. Sort of…..)

My dismay at the article in the Age on Sunday was that the paper had gone to the trouble of consulting a plastic surgeon specialising in this procedure for her input.  She explained that the women she sees are all pretty worthy patients who really need the procedure.  This is because the labia minora are too big and hang outside of the outer labia.


Excuse me doctor but isn’t that what they are supposed to do?

Sadly, us ladies have been dealt a duff hand from the English language department responsible for naming our genitalia – a department (well I don’t know exactly who named them) who decided to call the inner but often longer lips the minora and the outer ‘classic neat’ lips the majora.

This obsession with all things genital has been heightened by our love of the razor (or should that be laser)

Next us ladies (and I know, men two) are told from many angles that our hair does not belong ‘down there’ AT ALL.  Shave, wax, do what you will but do not sport a lady garden – damn that beautiful term is going to be worthless in a few short years,  relegated to the archives of times-past ‘remember in the summer when we used to lay in the grass and plait our lady gardens’………  Maybe not.

And to add insult to injury we are able to find pockets within the medical profession where our mislaid fears and self-loathing is validated so that it may be cut away at a small fee.

The doctor in this particular article explained that sports people often complain of chaffing etc and that large labia are uncomfortable in this situation.

Now I don’t know if mine are large or not but I can tell you that I am very normal and after competing in sports such as cross-country running,  swimming, mountain bike racing and hockey for many, many years that is the biggest load of crapola I have ever had served up.


Yes sport does chafe a bit, it can even make you bleed but we used to use vaseline or some other anti-chafe cream to fix that not chop it off!  Indeed if I had of chopped off every bit of me that chaffed a bit I would only be half the person I am now – hands and feet would have been first to go along with armpits, nipples (pesky bloody nipples) and then of course the private parts.


Let me ask this again – can you ever imagine a time when a man who, after just successfully competing a 100KM mountain bike race (a ball breaking event if ever there was one) got to the end and instead of celebrating decided ‘that’s it, the balls and penis just HAVE to be trimmed, they are seriously disabling me and they rubbed like hell’.  NO.

I don’t make a habit of surveying ladies private areas but I would be happy to bet my house on the fact that even ladies at the larger end of the ‘norm’ have a whole lot less in their pants than the smaller-end-of-average man.

Because that is how we are made.

So keep out and yes, let’s get this labia library of un-adulterated lady bits out and proud so that our daughters, sisters, mothers and aunts can put our brain cells to something more powerful such as running the country or just loving ourselves.

Thank you

Amanda x